Finally “Not Pregnant”

I’ve been going every 2 weeks since my missed miscarriage and D&C, to have bloodwork for my HCG Beta numbers. The doctor was trying to track when I was below 5, which is considered not pregnant.

So every other week, I’m in that dreaded office sitting next to all the beautiful pregnant women. Looking into the same procedure room I had the worst conversation of my life. Seeing the same nurses who saw me at my darkest hour. It’s never easy…but I’m pretty excited to never have to go back to that place. My Beta results from Friday are in, and I’m officially under 5 HCG!

Slightly sad, but happy to be able to move onwards and upwards. It only took 5 weeks for my levels to get back to normal. Now I wait for the dreaded period……

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The Rainbow After the Rain

No we’re not pregnant again……but things in our lives have definitely shifted into a new, amazing direction!  Let’s see, where to begin!

Well we’re currently under contract to sell our townhouse. We had originally listed when we were still pregnant, thinking it was time to move off of South Beach and sell our “un-baby friend” place and buy a home. After we lost the baby, we told ourselves, “Let’s just see what happens”. Of course, BOOM, we had an offer we couldn’t refuse! We close on the sale the 16th of August.

Next, David has accepted a new position at a company that is much more suited to his personality. He starts on Monday, the 21st.

I also have accepted a new position at Club Med (Think of the perks!!!). My start date will also be the 21st.

So with both hubs and I working, we will need to get a second car. We have started researching, but can’t come to an agreement (D wants a vintage Porsche, and I want a Jetta). Our plan is to lease since we won’t have the money from the sale of our apartment just yet. I guess we’ll go this weekend to look at cars.

What else….we had an awesome 4th of July weekend with the family in New York. We stayed 1 night in the city, and then drove out to the Poconos for 2 extra days to watch the Indy Car race. It was super fun. I’m hoping to post about that weekend sometime in the next few days.

We also went last weekend to my friends lake house in South Carolina, Lake Keowee. It was super fun, and had an Ohio State reunion of all our best friends. There were 6 couples, and 2 babies. I was thrilled to catch up with all my besties! We decided to try and get together once a year, in order to keep in touch. I’ll also do a separate post about this last weekend with pics and more details!!!

The best part about the sale of our house, that now we will have the funds to move forward with an egg donor or maybe even adoption. We’re still in the process of doing research and meeting with the docs (I go back to the RE on the 13th of Aug) to figure out which will be our path.

Lots of excitement in our lives. God is good!!

New York for the 4th!!

The countdown begins for a lovely little 4th of July weekend.

Thursday we fly into the City and spend an afternoon & evening there. Then early Friday we drive to the Poconos for the Indy Car Race with the whole family!

Should be a fun little weekend. Go #teamfoyt #14 #alferacing #takumasato!!

And the Rockets Red Glare....

And the Rockets Red Glare….

Getting My Groove Back

This morning was my first run after being on “medical exercise rest” for 4 months. Felt good to get out there. It definitely wasn’t easy….but a quick 20 min jog was just what the “doctor” ordered.

After our run (hubs tagged along), I did some strength (sit ups, lunges, and arm weights) followed by an awesome morning meditation. I meditated with a new app, called Relax & Rest. I did the guided meditation for 13 min, followed by music for 5 min. I’m now feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world!

I plan on recording my meals on MyFitnessPal (another awesome app)…with a goal of losing weight. Currently I’m tipping the scales at 117, and my goal weight is my original 112 lbs. Only 5 lbs….let’s see how long it takes me.

Slowly, but surely I’m getting my life back and it feels AWESOME!

TRUTH!

TRUTH!

 

Date Time

After getting caught up in the pregnancy, and then the loss of our pregnancy my husband and I hadn’t dedicated much time to our relationship. Not that things were bad, but we used to take time to spend together and it seemed that as of late, we hadn’t committed to doing the same. I wanted to change that. We decided that it would be good to do a date once a week. One week I would plan, the following week David would plan the date. This week was my week.

I wanted to do something fun, and different. I’m honestly not sure where I got the idea. But I decided take him rock climbing at Xtreme Rock Climbing. Hubs had no idea what we were doing until we pulled up, and I think he was happily surprised.

Xtreme Rock Climbing in Miami!

Xtreme Rock Climbing in Miami!

Ha, nice outfit!

Ha, nice outfit!

I had signed us up for an introductory course. They teach you how to tie the knots, handle the ropes and how to work together as a team. There was one other couple in our class, and they spoke mostly Spanish, so I think they struggled a bit with the language barrier. Once we took the class we had a day pass to climb as much as we wanted. During the class D and I each went up the wall twice. It was scary, exhilarating and definitely FUN! After the class, we decided to take a break and go to lunch. Unfamiliar with the area, we asked the staff and they pointed us to a sushi and Thai restaurant called Sea Siam Connection in the London Square shopping center. It was actually excellent! And the restaurant was very cute, with amazing staff. Here are some pics of our rolls and crispy duck….

Roll on the L had coconut shrimp, and plantains on top. Roll on R had tuna, cream cheese and creamy curry sauce...YUm!

Roll on the L had coconut shrimp, and plantains on top. Roll on R had tuna, cream cheese and creamy curry sauce…YUm!

Nice decor!

Nice decor!

Having a good laugh.

Having a good laugh.

The food wasn’t cheap, but you could tell the ingredients were super fresh. Plus the rolls were HUGE! For all 3 items, the bill was $55.

After lunch we went back to the climbing place and spent another hour. Basically the difficulty of the climbs start at 5.6 (beginner) and go up to 5.12. We did a 5.7 and then got brave and did a couple of 5.8’s. I was very proud of myself and we both had an excellent time. I was happy to reconnect with David and enjoy an afternoon of mindless fun! I’m excited to see what he plans for next week….

1 Week Post D&C

So it’s been a week since that horrid day. At this point the struggle’s been much more mental than physical. Since surgery, I haven’t had much pain. In fact the doctor gave me two prescriptions for pain and I didn’t fill either of them. I’ve been taking it easy and trying to sleep however my mind races and I think I picked up a chest cold at the hospital.

The bleeding has been minimal. It was nearly gone by Sunday evening.

Wednesday I met with the doctor again. He took some blood to measure the HCG levels…we will continue to monitor them until they reach zero. I hope it goes quickly so that I can feel normal again. Being in that office again was no fun. Surrounded by happy pregnant women, just makes me feel sorry for myself.

I’m trying to get back into my normal exercise routine. After the appointment on Wednesday, he gave me the go ahead to start working out again.

I’ve avoided therapy…..I know I should go and talk about things, but I’m just not ready. For me, right now, avoidance seems like the best strategy.

I already started researching adoption. Some people might think it’s too soon, but with my personality it’s a coping mechanism. A way to make a plan to move forward. I’m not saying we’re going to make any decisions anytime soon. But I just wanted to educate myself. We will also schedule a follow up meeting with the IVF doctor, Dr. Hernandez-Rey. Just want to hear what he has to say, and what he thinks the issue is. I’d also like to speak to him about an egg donor and the odds of success. We probably won’t meet with him for a few more months. Just want to get my head on straight.

In terms of friends who have been there for me, I can’t say that anyone has been. I get it, we all have our busy lives that get in the way. And perhaps no one really knows how much I’m struggling. I’m pretty good at putting up a good front of being strong. It would be nice if my two best friends would at least reach out and see how I’m doing. It’s funny, my friends who are further away have been more in contact with me than anyone. Of course my amazing family has been there for me. Poor David, he doesn’t seem to have much support other than my family either. But we are blessed to at least have that, as I’m sure there are people out there who have no one.

One of my friends told me she thinks that God only puts the strongest people through some of the hardest things. I think she was trying to tell me that I’m strong, but I don’t understand why God would do that? David has another approach…he thinks God was saving us from a severely disabled child which would have brought more pain in the long run. Perhaps he’s right…I guess we’ll never know. I just wish I found solace in these things. For now, no matter the reason, it’s a heartache that no one should ever have to experience.

Life goes on, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other.

Fathers Day

By Sunday, I was able to hold back tears long enough to enjoy the day. Hubs and I woke up and decided to rent bikes for an hour and take a little ride around South Beach. It was lovely. In the back of my mind, I was sad that we weren’t making a big deal for David and his first Fathers day. But, it was no longer his first fathers day….as there was no more life inside my belly for him to father. He seemed content to bike with our doggie daughters.

Fathers day bike ride

Fathers day bike ride

Unfortunately, he had work to do the rest of the afternoon…so after our bike ride I met up with mom and dad. It was great, because my parents kept me distracted with a lovely lunch at Mandolin in the Design District. We sipped a lovely white wine, ate lamb meatballs and an awesome feta & watermelon salad. For my main course I had lamb chops (all amazing, and all things I had to previously avoid due to my pregnancy). We left happy, and jumped in the car to explore neighborhoods to buy a house.

The funny thing is, a few days before finding out we lost the baby, we had listed our townhouse with the main reasoning being that it wasn’t really baby friendly. And now that that it’s such a priority now, we aren’t 100% sure we want to sell. Regardless, we went house hunting for me to get excited about getting a fresh start with a cute little house over in Surfside. After a few blocks into the neighborhood, I fell in love. We drove around for over an hour, looking for “for sale” signs and seeing the streets we preferred. Again, it was a great distraction!

We ended the afternoon/ into evening with drinks by the pool at the Mondrian, which was the hotel my parents were staying. We enjoyed a couple bottles of Whispering Angel rose and people watched by the pool.

Drinks at the Mondrian

Drinks at the Mondrian

All-in-all it was an ok day. And it seems that as time goes on, it’s getting easier for me to cope with our loss. There won’t be a day (at least anytime soon) that it doesn’t cross my mind. But I’m starting to realize that there are other options out there for us, and that I refuse to give up our fight for our precious baby.