So it’s been a week since that horrid day. At this point the struggle’s been much more mental than physical. Since surgery, I haven’t had much pain. In fact the doctor gave me two prescriptions for pain and I didn’t fill either of them. I’ve been taking it easy and trying to sleep however my mind races and I think I picked up a chest cold at the hospital.
The bleeding has been minimal. It was nearly gone by Sunday evening.
Wednesday I met with the doctor again. He took some blood to measure the HCG levels…we will continue to monitor them until they reach zero. I hope it goes quickly so that I can feel normal again. Being in that office again was no fun. Surrounded by happy pregnant women, just makes me feel sorry for myself.
I’m trying to get back into my normal exercise routine. After the appointment on Wednesday, he gave me the go ahead to start working out again.
I’ve avoided therapy…..I know I should go and talk about things, but I’m just not ready. For me, right now, avoidance seems like the best strategy.
I already started researching adoption. Some people might think it’s too soon, but with my personality it’s a coping mechanism. A way to make a plan to move forward. I’m not saying we’re going to make any decisions anytime soon. But I just wanted to educate myself. We will also schedule a follow up meeting with the IVF doctor, Dr. Hernandez-Rey. Just want to hear what he has to say, and what he thinks the issue is. I’d also like to speak to him about an egg donor and the odds of success. We probably won’t meet with him for a few more months. Just want to get my head on straight.
In terms of friends who have been there for me, I can’t say that anyone has been. I get it, we all have our busy lives that get in the way. And perhaps no one really knows how much I’m struggling. I’m pretty good at putting up a good front of being strong. It would be nice if my two best friends would at least reach out and see how I’m doing. It’s funny, my friends who are further away have been more in contact with me than anyone. Of course my amazing family has been there for me. Poor David, he doesn’t seem to have much support other than my family either. But we are blessed to at least have that, as I’m sure there are people out there who have no one.
One of my friends told me she thinks that God only puts the strongest people through some of the hardest things. I think she was trying to tell me that I’m strong, but I don’t understand why God would do that? David has another approach…he thinks God was saving us from a severely disabled child which would have brought more pain in the long run. Perhaps he’s right…I guess we’ll never know. I just wish I found solace in these things. For now, no matter the reason, it’s a heartache that no one should ever have to experience.
Life goes on, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other.