IVF Guilt

So after taking over 2 years, and having to resort to IVF, in order to get pregnant. I feel like I’m extra cautious, and I have mega guilt if I make a mistake. For example, I want to eat the right things and do everything just perfectly. After all, we went through this huge effort for this baby and if anything were to go wrong I would feel absolutely horrid.

-I’m feeling guilty when I indulge my sweet cravings. I know the baby needs healthy meals, packed full of fruits and veggies with nutrients for him or her to have everything it needs to grow and be strong. But sometimes, I just HAVE to have a sweet here and there. I give in, and when I do I have this immense guilt!

-I’m feeling guilty for having a TEENY TINY glass of wine the other night. Before getting preggo, I was a complete and total wine-o! There was nothing better for me after a long day, than having a delicious glass of wine.  We were at a dinner party, and they had opened a beautiful bottle of ’97 Cakebread. I couldn’t resist having a taste. It was so yummy, and made me miss wine even more. But I stuck to my guns and only had a few sips over a 3 hour dinner. But that night when I went home, I had a mild freak out. What had I done???? We’ve done all this for our miracle baby, and I couldn’t even turn down some wine? It was a horrible feeling!

-I went to the grocery store today, alone for the first time. Normally, the hubs comes along so that I don’t have to lift anything. But I’m so used to doing everything, and handling everything myself. I figured that I could handle the job today. Carrying the groceries into the house, including a case of coke and a big bottle of laundry detergent. I immediate regretted it. I shouldn’t have lifted all this stuff. I should have waited and let hubs help me. I will be so devastated if I’ve hurt the baby in anyway or caused a miscarriage. It’s still only the 8th week, the odds are still high for MC and they tell you specifically not to lift, push or pull anything heavy. What have I done?

This guilt will definitely stay with me throughout my pregnancy. And I waiver between wanting to be independent, and I can handle all of this stuff and just live my life normally…to the extreme opposite. Just wanting to sit on the couch and do nothing for the next 7 months until the baby arrives so that I don’t do anything wrong. Neither is realistic, and I need to get these feelings under control because stress (ie. guilt) isn’t good for the baby.

It’s crazy this little baby is just the size of a berry and it’s already taking over my life, and I already love it so much that I can’t stand the thought of anything bad happening to it. I pray this pregnancy goes well, and that I will get to meet this little human in a few short months!

 

PS. After a bit of research, it turns out that there are plenty of women/parents out there feeling this way. In fact, some have even had it become an issue while raising their children. For example some people are having troubles punishing their children because of the guilt from IVF. O man…I hope I’m able to get this issue under control!!

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